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Unicorn Meat

$29.99 (as of 05/18/2017, 11:48 am) & FREE Shipping. Details $14.33

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Okay, for real: you can’t eat this. It’s a dismembered stuffed unicorn in a can.
The bottom of the tin is easily removable to gain access to the mini dead unicorn inside. No can opener needed!

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Product Description


No foolin’ – Unicorn meat is real! Excellent source of sparkles! Rick Bite Unicorns, as everyone knows, frolic everywhere the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you do not know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they’re drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn’s outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you’re going to find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat. Tasty Magical Beast Diagram Parts Unfortunately, as a result of restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you’re going to find one tiny unicorn which has been accurately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh. Or in case you are lazy, just bring it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher. He’ll know what to do.
Okay, for real: you’ll’t eat this. It’s a dismembered stuffed unicorn in a can.
The bottom of the tin is easily removable to gain access to the mini dead unicorn inside. No can opener needed!

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